this last week has been a hard one. i was not completely sure why, but i felt so beaten down. i think the reality of this disease continues to set in. the day to day uncertainty of what it will bring is wearing. the change of life, the loss of normal, the fear, the frustration, it at times seems too much!
the doctor said that as much as we can we need to work on removing irritants from our home environment. this means changing sheets every other day, washing all our bedding 1-2 times a week, vacuuming the entire house daily, vacuuming the mattress, the curtains....basically making our home ultra allergen free. i am lucky enough that i do LOVE to clean. for me it is almost therapeutic to clean. but now that i have the pressure to do it everyday, it is wearing on me. my days FLY by and i collapse into bed at the end of every day. i am so thankful that in general i love to do this. but i am starting to feel like i am treading water to keep my head above water. between working 2 nights a week, being a stay at home mom, doing all the yard work, the cooking, the shopping, and all this i was feeling overwhelmed at times.
this has also been a hard week for mark, he had a hard weekend and sunday night felt like he had taken 2 steps backward. he is continuing to wean off his steroid therapy. we are hoping that this disease will continue to head towards remission. we know that chemo is an option to help mark towards that direction, but we pray that his body can do it on it's own.
he went in today and had his eyes checked and PRAISE THE LORD there are no signs of sarcoid! he will continue to have yearly checks, and has to have his doctors phone number with him in case of any sight changes. sarcoidosis can blind you in a matter of hours if it goes to your eyes...very scary.
on the 17th and 18th of next week mark has his big days of testing at national jewish. they will be checking out his heart and doing a lot of lung function test on him. he has to wear a holter monitor to watch for any heart issues. this is a very scary thing for mark and i, and we pray that after the testing we will get good news that his heart is clear from disease! please pray for that :)
the song i have so leaned on during this time is "praise you in this storm". we have had some crazy weather here in colorado. we actually have alot of damage done to our house in the big storm last sunday...a new roof among other things need to get done :) i think god was trying to give me a real life wake up call to why i have been struggling this week. i have not been turning to him.....
i found myself this morning listening to this song...it says he has every tear we have cried in his hands, that he never leaves my side! what a comfort! i am so lucky to have a god who walks with me each day! i realized that this last week, i have been trying to do everything on my strength.......it is no wonder i am feeling down! i need to lift my eyes up and realize that my strength comes from the "maker of heaven and earth". through him EVERYTHING is possible!!! thank you lord for again reminding me of my own weakness and your amazing strength!!
tonight the ladies from my bible study are having a dinner making party for me and another lady in my study who just had surgery to remove cancer and is about to start on 8 weeks of chemo!~please pray for julie as she starts this treatment on monday!
i feel so blessed to have this group of ladies in my life! i am excited to have a night out of fellowship with them!! kya is going to spend the evening with my parents so mark can have some down time too!
thank you everyone for your kind words and encouragement! you have no idea what that means to mark and I!! the support we have gotten is such a blessing!