wow~what a week! i kind of don't know where to start...my heart has been in darkest depths i have ever been but also has been at highest heights. we went to childrens last tues for kinley's formal evaluation for her speech. it was confirmed that kinley does have moderate to severe developmental apraxia. there is a 25-30% chance she will never be able to talk. they did test her receptive language and she was at the level of a 4 year old. so we have a very smart little girl on our hands that has ALL the words her sweet brain...but just does not have the motor planning to say those words. it was heartbreaking to hear.....
walking out of the evaluation i was trying to hold it all in. i knew if i let myself go to the place that this is all really happening i would not be able to drive. i had about 10 min to calm down and get to kya's parent teacher conference. by the grace of God i was able to walk into kya's conference and focus on her. i had to be a mom for kya too...i had to be present and excited for all the things God is doing in kya's life. i made it through and listened as kya's teacher sung kya's praises. kya is an amazing 5 year old...has a heart of gold and is such a bright little girl! it was so crazy feeling to proud of kya and at the same time feeling so broken for kinley.
by the time i got home all that emotion came CRASHING down. i have never in my life experienced a panic attack but i knew that is what was happening. all these doubts about my ability to be strong enough to be the mother kinley needed, questions about how we were going to get through this, if kinley was EVER going to actually be able to talk, questioning if i had done something to deserve this or cause this, questions of why God did this to kinley...and so much more filled my mind and i just could not catch my breath. praise the lord. mark, my mom and my dad all were at my house within an hour to support us through this. i was able to take some medicine and sleep for a couple hrs. i woke up knowing that it was not by my strength alone we were going to get through this...it was OBVIOUS i was weak...and that only through the strength of God could we make it thought this journey.
by the next day the pressure in my chest had lifted and i just had this peace that i knew only could come from God. my dear daughter kya had the most profound and mature things to say while we had breakfast. she just looked me in the eye and said "mommy, God is going to take care of us. we all have things that make us different...i have a birthmark, and i know it makes me special. kinley might not be able to talk...but that makes her special too. God loves us JUST AS WE ARE right mom"?? wow...it soon became so clear that this indeed was a blessing...that God chose kinley to be a light to others through her struggle. i was amazed that God used my sweet 5 year old girl to change my entire outlook on apraxia.
we prayed that night as a family for God to be our guide. we prayed that God would have to open doors wide for us so we would follow the path he had planned for kinley. on weds we had received a lot of information about therapy for apraxia and received numbers of $350 a session for speech that was not going to be covered by our insurance. we knew that God was going to have to provide the means for that. $1400 was not a amount we knew we could cover without God's great provision.
thurs morning i woke up and spent some time with the Lord again praying for doors to SWING WIDE OPEN for us. about 20 min later i got a phone call from my mom that a couple from our church, whom i have never met, came into my dad's office with a envelope with kinley's name on it...inside was $1000 towards kinley's first therapy sessions. i was amazed seeing God's provision and it was almost as him saying to me " brooke i am in control...trust me". throughout that day it was phone call after phone call of answers to prayers.
we were told of an amazing speech pathologist that specializes in apraxia but were told she had a wait list that we would have to go on. i got a phone call about 5 min later from the coordinator that she spoke with this therapist and she was going to hold a spot for kinley in her schedule ! yet another answer to prayer. and those are just some of them...it was an amazing day seeing answered prayer after answered prayer.
i know this is going to be a long hard road. but i TRULY trust God is going to carry kinley through this. i believe he is going to give her words that go along with that amazing personality he blessed her with. i know he must have a VERY SPECIAL plan for our sweet girl! i feel blessed to be her mom and to get a first had view of all the amazing things he is going to do in her life!
thank you all for your prayers, notes, calls, texts, emails etc supporting us through this ! it means more then you will ever know!