Friday, May 8, 2009

emotions

these last couple days have been healing to my soul. i have been able to breath, to process, to heal.  God carried me through the last 2 weeks. it was a week ago that we were sitting wondering what was going to happen with our lives.  we were told mark most likely had lymphoma and would be starting treatment today....crazy! then we were thrown a new diagnosis ...sarcoid.  we have spent this last week educating ourselves,  accepting, and struggling with this disease. 

 today i feel like my emotions have caught up with me. i have such little control over my life at this moment, that i cling desperately to little things that may seem silly.  i have no idea  how mark is going to feel physically for the rest of his life, i have no idea when he will go in to remission, i have no idea how we are going to pay all our medical bills, i have no idea about many things... today my mom went to get some hanging baskets that were going on sale today that i really wanted.  i had in my head that we were going to have them...it was something i could control. well they were out of them...and i cried !! it seems so silly, but i was so upset
i am realizing God doesn't just have control over the big things i worry about he is in control over the little things. i am not in control! i can't wait for God to help me get to the point where i can truly live that out in my life in EVERY aspect!!

God is teaching me...he is stretching me.. it doesn't always feel good, but it is good! 
mark and i were watching the michael j fox special last night called "adventures of an incurable optimist"  it was so good for us to sit and witness people who have been handed a "diagnosis", but have made it something good. 
 
today i feel like i am in a storm
this song says perfectly how i am feeling 
i will praise him in this storm!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ji2rLXr3cEU

*please pray for a dear friend  in my bible study, she was told today her biopsy came back cancer, she will find out more on monday.  please cover her, her husband, and 2 young kids in prayers as she goes through this storm*

4 comments:

mary velier said...

Mark and Brooke, your posts on your blog the last few days,have been a testament to alot of people how strong your faith is. We have cried with you, and you are in our hearts and minds daily. Remember after the storm is the sunshine, and another new day. Praying he will answer your prayers and give you a peace within. Love the Veliers in Oostburg.

Mandy Stevenson said...

We, the Stevenson's, love you, the Guikema's, so much! You-as individuals, and as a family unit are truly inspiring in your faith and your walk with God. May you always feel Him with you...walking next to you in the calm times, and carrying you thru the hard times. ~hugs and kisses~

Cheri Van Stelle said...

I see you growing each day as you process... I am so proud of you as you look to God for your only answers,comfort and security.
Love Ya,
Mom

Clark Family said...

HI friend... I had tears as I read today's post... I have been in this place a time or two... I love it, I hate it, all in the same breath... It's tiring, it's intimate, it's scary, and yet somehow there is a new found joy that finds you. It hurts, but you can somehow sense a deep, deep healing taking place in your heart. You are able to find purpose through trust, but often are unable to find enough understanding to satisfy all your questions...

The older I get the less I find that life is anything of what I thought it should be... Instead it is somehow better than I ever could have thought up on my own, but the joy comes in the least likely ways.

The places that I am MOST afraid of, I feel like the Lord likes to take me to those places just to show me that He is with me even in my deepest fears!

This comment is getting way to wordy and way to long...sorry about that... I just really think you're great and I am ALWAYS here to listen to whatever is on your heart... ANYTIME! Love ya to pieces...

your forever friend and prayer warrior... :)