these last couple days have been healing to my soul. i have been able to breath, to process, to heal. God carried me through the last 2 weeks. it was a week ago that we were sitting wondering what was going to happen with our lives. we were told mark most likely had lymphoma and would be starting treatment today....crazy! then we were thrown a new diagnosis ...sarcoid. we have spent this last week educating ourselves, accepting, and struggling with this disease.
today i feel like my emotions have caught up with me. i have such little control over my life at this moment, that i cling desperately to little things that may seem silly. i have no idea how mark is going to feel physically for the rest of his life, i have no idea when he will go in to remission, i have no idea how we are going to pay all our medical bills, i have no idea about many things... today my mom went to get some hanging baskets that were going on sale today that i really wanted. i had in my head that we were going to have them...it was something i could control. well they were out of them...and i cried !! it seems so silly, but i was so upset
i am realizing God doesn't just have control over the big things i worry about he is in control over the little things. i am not in control! i can't wait for God to help me get to the point where i can truly live that out in my life in EVERY aspect!!
God is teaching me...he is stretching me.. it doesn't always feel good, but it is good!
mark and i were watching the michael j fox special last night called "adventures of an incurable optimist" it was so good for us to sit and witness people who have been handed a "diagnosis", but have made it something good.
today i feel like i am in a storm
this song says perfectly how i am feeling
i will praise him in this storm!
*please pray for a dear friend in my bible study, she was told today her biopsy came back cancer, she will find out more on monday. please cover her, her husband, and 2 young kids in prayers as she goes through this storm*